Making new friends like dating dating the cheetah bottleneck
That’s why, when we’re younger, it’s so much easier to make friends.When you’re going to school every day, you build up to that 50 hours quickly.
And even though I know children aren’t, like, some prophylactic you can take to protect yourself from loneliness, this still gets to me sometimes.Like, they’re saying, I have no interest in getting to know you. That’s why I usually ask people out on “friend dates” online or through text messaging (rejection seems less painful that way). It feels weird to ask people on “friend dates” — but at some point you just have to say “fuck it” and do it anyway. You may have to deal with occasional ghosting, as I have. If someone ghosts me these days, I just accept that it’s not me — they probably just have a hundred other things they’re prioritizing — their young family, their career, their spouse — whatever. I thought young whippersnappers could never understand or relate to my struggles.And people usually say yes, at least to the initial ask. I’m on Bumble BFF, and I’ve asked a few girls if they wanted to hang out. But recently, I met a girl in her early 20s (part of the aforementioned hiking group), and I really jive with her.Whenever my parents would have an unpleasant fight — a frequent occurrence in my home growing up — my mom would come find me sulking in my room, demand I get dressed, and then pack us both into the car and drive with silent ferocity to some friend’s home.There, she and the friend would laugh together about their terrible marriages, giggling over their shared unhappiness like a pair of secret-whispering and pinky-promising girls.
I won’t go into all the ways this fucked me up, but you can just trust the fact that it made me a really isolated child who grew into a similarly isolated adult with major trust issues.